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Fragmented Life

by Dan Deagh Wealcan

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1.
Road 03:22
I’m on the road. The road to my end. The longer I roam, the closer road gets to the end. Too many ways to tell them apart Where one ends, the other starts. Stretched throughout the time and space. All we can see is glowing haze. The road will show the way. Just take another step. Let’s walk towards entropy. I’m on the road. The road to my end. Head on! Lock on! Move on! You cannot change it anyway. The different ways that lead to only one result. Long, short, no matter what they’re like. Pick one, it’s yours now, follow it Then meet me on the other side. I’m on the road. The road to my end. The longer I roam, the closer road gets to the end. The road will show the way. Just take another step. Let’s walk towards entropy.
2.
Sociopathy 03:29
The only authority is me. Who I wanna be? It is for me to decide. I don’t trust you, or anyone who doesn’t prove that he’s right. I swim against current. I drive on the wrong side. I don’t need people. They only make things worse. Leave me with my sociopathy. I don’t need you, or anyone at all. Sociopathy! I won’t hesitate to defy you. An endless stream of people will come around me... Take pieces of me. Presumption of guilt feels right to me. I won’t tolerate society. Leave me with my sociopathy. I don’t need you, or anyone at all. I swim against current. I drive on the wrong side. I don’t need people. They only make things worse. Leave me with my sociopathy. I don’t need you, or anyone at all. Sociopathy!
3.
Tid 02:49
If I could see more dreams, I’d dream of water slowly flowing around me. The stream runs away. I try to stop it. But water passes between my fingers. Time… Time is river. Ever flowing. Never stopping. Away it flows from me. The farther it goes, the faster it gets. I cannot get out, it drags me along. Swirling and smashing me on the rocks. Thrashing and screaming, I come close to the waterfall and fall. And then awake from dreams… Time… Time is river. Ever flowing. Never stopping.
4.
Escapism 04:28
Everyone seeks comfort in their imaginary world. Everyone paints their world in colors that seem right to them. We all masturbate on our own fantasies. And we don’t give a shit about. All the different taste of all the different people. Taking comfort in our imagination. We all see the world in different colors. I color my world blue. Pink is right for you. Shades of grey is all she sees. Red blankets his eyes. Someone walks in glaucous glasses (and find our peace). Someone likes falu (and find our peace). Everybody have their colors (inside ourselves we crawl and stare). But clear is not a color (outside through mirky windows). We all masturbate on our own fantasies. And we don’t give a shit about. All the different taste of all the different people. It’s the way we live – escaping reality. And we don’t give a shit about. How the world really looks like outside our illusions. All the common things that we are sharing to each of us are different. We all gonna see. What we wanna see. We all see what we believe. Inside our heads we all escape.
5.
Laughter 03:21
You ask me why I’m laughing. I’ll answer right away. I’m laughing at reality, that I can not escape. I don’t care what you’re thinking ‘cause I no longer care. It’s better for me to laugh, then to cry in despair. Not rolling like a hedgehog. Not barking like a dog. Not killing like a cyborg. Not bathing in mud like hog. I act like I don’t care. I am here, but I’m nowhere. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, I am floating parallel to the earth. Between two lines, parallel lines, laughing at everything that is wrong. Not rolling like a hedgehog. Not barking like a dog. I ask you why you’re frowning, but you’re too mad to talk. You ask me why I’m running ‘cause I’m afraid to walk!!! Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, I am floating parallel to the earth. Between two lines, parallel lines, laughing at everything that is wrong. I act like I don’t care.
6.
I’ve found that life is full of things that don’t match. Birth, death, so close, they can almost touch. And I know it’s life. I laugh in it’s face. But then, as soon as it turns it’s back to me, I weep for hours. Some contradictions don’t bother me anymore. Some contradictions I choose to ignore. I’ve told you this thousand times before. I love you, but I love to hate you more. I’m both, defiant and feeble. Nothing stands between me and life. Except of my cowardice and turpitude. And, after all, life is not such a bad thing. When it isn’t fucking you over. It can be dealt with, but it’s a thin line between not giving a fuck and slipping into madness. I mean, just look at this world: the shit and the diamonds are all mixed in one fucking cocktail. But it still stinks. Fuck contradictions… Some contradictions don’t bother me anymore. Some contradictions I choose to ignore. I’ve told you this thousand times before. I love you, but I love to hate you more.
7.
Panphopia 04:01
When you’re young, you’re scared of nothing. You look life straight in her silent eye. And then life hits you over and over. Until you twitch from every movement. The shadows of fear crawl inside your mind at night. And start to follow you everywhere. Around the corner another fear awaits. You come prepared, covering inside your shell. And then life hits you over and over. Trying to crack your little casing. You shiver inside, but it holds on. And no one sees the tears in your eyes. Inner fire. Strong desires. All the good things get slain by fear.
8.
Mess 02:03
I look down on the street through my window. The weather is shitty today. Raindrops crawl down the glass. Nothing to do outside today. Let’s turn on the telly. Oh, crap. There’s nothing going on. The news are shit all the time. Я, наверно дурак. Жизнь – бардак. I feel like a fool. All my life is a mess. Ooooh, it’s getting dark in here. Welcome to my head, young fellows. Watch your steps. There’re my shattered dreams all over the floor. I’m a fragmented mind. Living a fragmented life. Feel free to roam around, but don’t get lost... In dark corridors of my stupid head. Spiders and mice and dust in the corners. And skeletons of ones who haven’t fled. Я, наверно дурак. Жизнь – бардак. I feel like a fool. All my life is a mess.
9.
Backbone 04:41
Kicking me around. Laughing in my face. Spitting in my heart. Trying to break... Me... Down. I’m not afraid! I have long since grown a backbone. Beat me, punch me. I’m still standing on my feet. I am moving forward despite of what you do to me. I am moving forward despite of what you say to me. You can strip me down. You can rip my skin. Mock me all you want. I have long since grown a backbone. Beat me, punch me. I’m still standing on my feet. Beat me. Punch me. Stab me. Crush me. You are... Nothing. I have outgrown you. I have long since grown a backbone. Beat me, punch me. I’m still standing on my feet. No one break me!
10.
Untitled 03:35
While I write these lines. I got goosebumps on my skin. I’m scribbling all my life. And my voice is paper-thin. Voice in dark corridors. Echoes and comes back to greet to me. My fragmented mind. Is all that’s left for me. In my fragmented life pieces are all I see. Shards of broken thoughts are biting in my skin. As I close the door to cut the world from me. Voice in dark corridors. Echoes and comes back to greet to me. While I write these lines. The end is almost here. I know I will be fine, but cannot help but fear. The poem of my life is soon to be complete. And though I know the name. Untitled it will be...
11.
Poem 03:14
I can not leave untill I write the last lines. Shine on me, old moon, give me light to see my fingers. My skin wrinkles, my hair turns white. Hello moon, you old fool. Shining on me in ecstasy. What do you want, witness my death? I’ll wait ‘till morning. Hello moon, you old fool. Shining on me in agony. What do you want, witness my death? I’ll wait ‘till morning. I’m a living sculpture under your yellow light. Insanity of fighting for my life. Fragmented life of disturbed and troubled mind. I’ll take the chance and write the last lines and your light won’t suffice. I’m waiting for the morning to banish you from skies. Until then I’ll be silent, staring back in your old face. You can not control what you can not erase. Hello moon, you old fool. Shining on me in ecstasy. What do you want, witness my death? I’ll wait ‘till morning. Hello moon, you old fool. Shining on me in agony. What do you want, witness my death? I’ll wait ‘till morning. I’m not putting period to this poem: Здравствуй, Луна. Старая дура! Я в свете тебя живая скульптура. Я в сердце воткну на несколько строчек Тупую стрелу - обрежу источник. Я вроде б влюблен, да не от кровати. Моих похорон мне смысл не понятен. Хоронит меня моя же натура. На свет бела дня облазает шкура. С плеча до бедра и сердце сжигает немая пора, когда смысл теряет... Забытый пустяк. Становится страшно. Я точно дурак, что, впрочем, неважно. Наслушалась, Желтая! Выпусти пар! Скажи мне на зло, что я буду стар! Hello moon, you old fool. Shining on me in ecstasy. What do you want, witness my death? I’ll wait ‘till morning.
12.
Dot 04:45
Instrumental.

credits

released November 11, 2016

All music was written, recorded, arranged, performed, mixed
and produced by Mikhail A. Repp in Moscow, Russia (2015-2016).
Exсept: “Panphobia” was written and some guitars recorded in Ramenskoye, Russia (2011 or maybe 2012) and “Dot” was written
and some guitars recorded in 2013.

All lyrics (except words in Russian for “Poem”) was written and
vocal recorded-performed by Eugene Zoidze-Mischenko in Kiev,
Ukraine (2015-2016). Lyrics in Russian for Poem was written by
M.A. Repp (08.2000). Lyrics concept by M.A. Repp.

Consulting engineer: Anton Vorozhtsov. Additional guitar solo in “Panphobia” written by Eugene. Additional voice in “Poem” by
M.A. Repp.

Mastered by Anton Vorozhtsov at TA Production in Zaporizhzhia,
Ukraine. Original photos for cover disign by Polina Reighn. Booklet
design by M.A. Repp. Co-Produced by Eugene Zoidze-Mischenko.

Exc. Producer Natalia Repp.

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